When someone you care about is navigating the symptoms of depression, it’s natural to feel unsure about what to do or say. You don’t want to say the wrong thing, but staying silent doesn’t feel right either. Watching a loved one cope with a complex disorder can be heartbreaking, especially when you’re not sure how to help.
Depression often convinces people they’re alone, a burden, and unlovable. Simple, kind messages can help break through that isolation and remind them that you love and value them no matter what they’re going through. Small gestures of support can go a long way for anyone experiencing mental health challenges.
If someone close to you is experiencing depression and you’re unsure how to support them, the phrases below can help you offer comfort and connection.
What You’ll Learn
- What are common signs of depression to recognize in someone you care about?
- How can depression affect a person’s ability to connect and reach out?
- What are simple, supportive things you can say to help someone feel seen and valued?
- What kind of treatment is effective for depression?
Quick Read
Supporting someone with depression can feel challenging, especially when you’re unsure what to say or do. Depression often makes people feel alone and unworthy, so a small, kind gesture, like checking in or offering to spend time together, can mean a lot.
Depression shows up differently for everyone, from withdrawing socially to struggling silently. Signs like low energy, changes in sleep, or feelings of hopelessness are important to notice. Gently checking in helps your loved one feel seen and supported.
Use simple, validating phrases like “I’m here for you” or offer specific help, such as watching a movie together. Avoid minimizing their feelings or giving unsolicited advice. Your consistent presence reminds them they’re not alone.
Symptoms of Depression
Not everyone who’s depressed looks or acts the same. In fact, some people have high-functioning depression that makes them appear like they have everything under control, while in reality, they’re covering up complicated feelings. No matter what, seeing how the people in your life are doing can be invaluable to their well-being.
Here are some common signs of depression to watch for:
- Withdrawing from social events or isolating themselves
- Seeming less interested in things they usually enjoy
- Expressing feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness
- Talking more slowly or moving with less energy
- Difficulty focusing or responding to conversations
- Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
- Increased irritability or sensitivity
- Expressing guilt or self-blame
These symptoms can show up gradually or all at once. If you’re noticing these signs or have a gut feeling that something is off, it’s worth checking in with your loved one.
How Depression Impacts People You Love and Care For
Depression is the leading cause of disability for ages 15–44, impacting millions of Americans each year. It’s more than just feeling sad. It shapes the way someone sees themselves and the world around them. Depression can affect every part of their life, including the hobbies they once enjoyed, the relationships they cherished, and the career they worked so hard toward.
Many people with depression experience:
- Low self-worth and self-loathing
- A sense of emotional numbness or feeling empty inside
- Difficulty believing they are loved or valued
- Guilt about feeling like a burden to others
- Trouble reaching out for help, even when they want support
If your friend or loved one pulls away, it’s not because they don’t care or are lazy. It’s usually because they feel like they’re not worth caring about. The weight of depression can be immensely heavy, even making seemingly straightforward tasks like brushing your teeth feel impossible. So, trying to maintain connections and pull from an already low emotional bandwidth can be very difficult.
Loved ones can make a big difference in validating their experiences, letting them know they have support, and reminding them they’re not a burden. That’s where you come in.
10 Things to Say to Someone with Depression
It’s normal to be unsure or nervous about how to talk to someone with depression. You might worry that’ll you’ll make things worse, or not want to bother someone who’s having a hard time. Here are some supportive phrases you can use to help someone with depression feel seen, loved, and less alone.
1. “Hey, I’m thinking about you and just wanted to check in. How are you doing? No pressure to respond if you don’t want to.”
A simple message like this can be a powerful reminder to someone that you haven’t forgotten them. You don’t need to expect a response or for the conversation to continue right away. Sometimes the act of reaching out is what truly matters. Just showing up in their messages, leaving a quick voice memo, or even dropping a note in their voicemail can be a meaningful way to say, “I’m here,” and that presence can mean far more than you might realize.
2. “Would you like me to come over and we can watch a movie together?”
Offer specific support rather than leaving things open-ended with phrases like, “Let me know if you need anything.” When someone is struggling, it can be overwhelming to think of what to ask for, so make it concrete and low-pressure. Bring them a meal, invite them for a short walk, or simply sit together outside. Small, intentional gestures like these can show you care in ways words alone can’t.
3. “You don’t have to go through this alone. You have a lot of people in your life who love you and want to support you, including me.”
People with depression often withdraw and isolate themselves, sometimes out of shame or a belief that they don’t deserve to be around others. That’s why offering consistent, gentle reminders of connection can be so meaningful–especially reminding them of the people who care for them. Even small, steady expressions of care can rebuild trust in talking about what they’re going through.
4. “I care about you and want to support you, whatever that looks like.”
Let them guide the pace and depth of connection. If they pull back or ask for space, try not to take it personally. It’s often about what they’re managing internally, not a reflection of your relationship. Respecting their boundaries while still showing you care can help them feel safe and supported, and it leaves the door open for them to reconnect when they’re ready.
5. “I really appreciate your friendship. You mean a lot to me.”
Depression often convinces people that nobody cares about them, creating a painful and isolating inner narrative. That’s why it can be so powerful to tell someone they matter. You can go a step further by naming specific things you admire about them, or even revisiting a pleasant memory with them. These personal reminders can help counter the lies mental health challenges can introduce, breaking through the heaviness of depression.
6. “That sounds difficult. Do you want to share more?”
Affirm the emotions they’re experiencing instead of rushing to fix them. When someone is struggling, jumping straight to solutions can unintentionally make them feel unheard or overwhelmed. By allowing them to express their feelings, you create a safe space where they can process at their own pace, knowing they don’t have to justify what they’re going through.
7. “You’re not a burden. I want to be there for you.”
Some messages are worth repeating. When someone is struggling, it can take hearing the same reassurance many times before it truly sinks in. Consistency shows that your care isn’t conditional, and each repetition has the potential to chip away at their doubt or self-criticism.
8. “I know things are tough right now, and I admire the way you’re dealing with hard stuff.”
Acknowledge their struggle in a way that lets them know you see what they’re going through. Avoid overly cheerful or cliché phrases that can come across as dismissive or disingenuous. Instead, aim for words that balance empathy with hope. Let them know you believe in their ability to get through this, not by minimizing the difficulty, but by standing with them in it.
9. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay around me.”
Give them permission to be completely honest and show up as themselves. People with depression often feel pressure to hide parts of what they’re experiencing, but it can be deeply relieving to know that they can show up exactly as they are. Listen openly and hold space for whatever comes up. That shows that you value authenticity over appearances.
10. “Have you thought about talking to someone? I can help you find support if you want.”
Gently introduce the idea of seeking professional help. You could offer help to research therapists, clinics, or support programs, which can make the process less daunting. If they’re open to it, you might even offer to accompany them or drive them to an appointment. This kind of support can make getting care feel less intimidating and make them feel like they have a partner in their healing journey.
Why Someone with Depression May Not Reply or Reach Out
People usually appreciate check-ins and sweet messages, even when they can’t or don’t respond. But it’s easy to assume they’re upset, disinterested, or pulling away. But for people living with depression, silence often has nothing to do with how much they care. Depression can make even the smallest tasks, like typing a short message, feel exhausting. The guilt of “I should have replied sooner,” the fear of being a burden, or simply a lack of mental energy can all make communication harder.
You can say something like:
- “Hey, I’ve noticed you haven’t responded to my last few messages. That’s totally okay, and I just wanted to let you know I’ll keep checking in unless you specifically ask me not to.”
- “Thinking of you, wishing you all the best this week.”
- “Saw this and it made me think of you” (attach a cute or funny picture/meme)
A single message may be appreciated, but without a follow-up, it can be forgotten in the fog of depression. Consistent messages help create a sense of safety and connection. Remember, your goal isn’t to “fix” how they’re feeling, but rather to keep the door open to a supportive relationship.
What Not to Say
Sometimes, people trying to help can unintentionally say things that make someone with depression feel worse.
Avoid phrases like these:
- “Everyone feels down sometimes.” This can make them feel like they aren’t doing a good enough job and that they should just get over it—or that what they’re feeling is
- “Something good will come out of this. You just need to stay positive.” Bypassing what they’re experiencing and trying to put a positive spin on it shuts down real emotions. There’s no positive spin to depression.
- “Have you tried meditation/going outside/eating better?” Unless they ask for advice, don’t offer it.
- “You’re being dramatic.” Nobody chooses depression, and it has nothing to do with drama.
- “You keep flaking on everything I invite you to, and it’s rude.” Guilting them for not socializing as much will likely make them want to isolate even more.
If you’re not sure what to say, that’s okay. When in doubt, ask yourself, “Does what I’m about to say dismiss their experience or not meet them where they’re at?” If so, it’s generally a good idea to simply offer your presence. Listening without judgment is often enough.
How PrairieCare Can Help
If someone in your life is struggling with depression, they don’t have to carry it alone. Professional support is available. At PrairieCare, we offer comprehensive services for anyone who needs them. No matter where you are in your journey, we’re here to help.
PrairieCare’s mental health treatment options include a full continuum of care for children, teens, adults, and families across Minnesota.
- Inpatient Psychiatric Hospitalization: Short-term, 24/7 hospital-based care during a severe depressive episode or crisis for individuals 35 and younger. Ensures safety, offers immediate stabilization and prepares patients for the next step of treatment.
- Residential Treatment: Longer-term, 24/7 care in a non-hospital setting for adolescents. Provides intensive daily therapy in a structured environment to address persistent depression.
- Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP): A full-day program without overnight stay. Provides intensive therapy, structured routines, and medication management. Supports mood stabilization and helps prevent inpatient hospitalization.
- Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP): A partial-day program offering group therapy, coping skills training, and peer connection while allowing patients to live at home and continue daily routines.
- Clinic services: Provides ongoing support through sessions with a therapist. Focuses on coping strategies, identifying thought patterns, and building long-term tools to manage depression.
We also offer the following support for depression:
- Specialized care, including Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) for treatment-resistant depression
- Psychiatry and medication management
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), attachment therapy, trauma-based care, and more
- Art therapy, narrative therapy, and family therapy
If you or a loved one is struggling with depression, we can help find the right path forward. Talk with our team today at 952-826-8475.
FAQs
How do you help someone with depression?
- Start by listening, validating their feelings, and offering specific ways to support them. Encourage professional help if they’re open to it.
What not to say to someone with depression?
- Avoid minimizing their experience, offering unsolicited advice, or pushing positivity. Statements like “Just cheer up” do more harm than good.
What to say to a depressed partner?
- Tell them you’re there for them. Say, “I love you and I’m here no matter what,” or “You’re not alone in this. I want to support you.”
How to talk to people with depression?
- Keep it compassionate and low-pressure. Ask how they’re doing and really listen. Avoid trying to fix their feelings. Instead, just be present.
What can I do to help someone with depression?
- Offer to spend time with them in low-capacity ways. Bring them a meal, go for a drive, or just sit with them. Encourage therapy when appropriate.
What helps people cope with depression?
- Professional support, medication, therapy, and community connection can all be helpful ways to cope with depression. Everyone’s needs are different, so seeking comprehensive care is often a good approach.