When a teenager falls off a bicycle or sustains a sports injury, parents can easily identify the necessary medical care and take action. In addition, they can offer the appropriate emotional support. However, with teenage bullying, the wounds are often invisible and are inflicted when parents aren’t around.
Adolescent bullying can cause serious emotional harm and leave long-lasting psychological effects. The more parents know about the signs of bullying, the better prepared they can be to intervene and provide the support their child needs.
What You’ll Learn
- What is bullying?
- What types of bullying do adolescents engage in?
- Why is your son fighting at school and what can you do about it?
- How can you support a child who is being bullied?
Quick Read
Teenage bullying is a serious issue that can cause lasting emotional harm. It can take many forms, including verbal, physical, emotional, and cyberbullying. One in five teens reports being bullied, with middle school students being particularly vulnerable. Factors like appearance, race, and sexual orientation often contribute to bullying. Victims may experience anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, while perpetrators may face their own mental health challenges.
Parents can help by staying informed and checking in with their teens regularly. Open communication is key. Educating teens about bullying and empowering them with coping strategies can make a difference. If bullying leads to mental health issues, seeking professional help is essential.
What Is Bullying?
Bullying is defined as using intimidation, aggression, or perceived power to create a physical or emotional sense of domination by one or more people over their victim. Bullying can occur in many forms, including:
- Verbal—name-calling, insults
- Emotional—mocking and humiliating someone
- Physical—shoving, hitting, etc.
- Sexual—harassing others through sexually explicit comments, spreading rumors about someone’s sexual activity, etc.
- Exclusion—purposefully isolating or ignoring someone
- Relational aggression—” frenemy” behaviors such as talking negatively behind others’ backs
- Cyberbullying—online bullying via social media or texts
How Many Teens Are Bullied?
Unfortunately, teenage bullying is very common and is on the rise. According to the latest Youth Risk Behavior Survey Data Summary & Trends Report from the CDC, the percentage of male and female high school students who were bullied both increased from 2021 to 2023. Females increased from 17 to 22 percent and males from 13 to 17 percent.
Earlier surveys from the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES) show that one out of every five teens (ages 12–18) reports being bullied at school. Bullying is most common during middle school, when as many as one-third of students experience some form of bullying. Moreover, according to statistics from stopbullying.gov, 30 percent of students admit to bullying others, and more than 70 percent of students and school staff have witnessed bullying at their school.
According to the NCES, the primary reasons teens are bullied are physical appearance, race or ethnicity, gender, disability, religion, and sexual orientation. The Trevor Project survey on LGBTQ+ young people revealed that 49 percent of LGBTQ+ young people ages 13–17 reported being bullied in-person within the past year, and 26 percent and 35 percent experienced cyberbullying. Sadly, LGBTQ+ young people who experienced bullying of any kind reported three times the rate of attempting suicide in the past year compared to those who were not bullied.
What Makes Teens Bully Others?
Typically, bullying is done in front of or with the help of a group of peers. Perpetrators bully victims to establish domination at the expense of someone else. There is no stereotypical bully—bullies come from every background, culture, and level of education. Here are some of the reasons why kids bully their peers:
- Jealousy and envy of others’ talents or friendships
- A desire to feel in control, during a stage of life when teenagers often feel out of control of what’s happening in their bodies and their lives
- Lack of self-esteem, causing teens to belittle others in an attempt to feel better about themselves
- Anger management issues and problems with impulse control
- Narcissistic tendencies, which can manifest as aggression when the person’s ego is threatened
- Trying to get attention when they’re feeling isolated, lonely, or that no one cares about them
Adolescent Bullying and Relational Aggression
Teenage bullying in both middle school and high school typically takes the form of exclusion, backstabbing, and manipulation—forms of bullying known as relational aggression. Relational aggression is used to gain social status and includes the following bullying behaviors:
- Intentionally excluding peers from a friend group or clique
- Spreading rumors and gossip
- Sharing with one friend something negative that a mutual friend said about them
- Making negative comments that can be passed off as “trying to help”
- Sharing someone’s secrets to embarrass or expose them
- Getting others to turn against a victim
Because relational aggression is more subtle than physical bullying, it can be difficult for adults to identify or observe the situation. Often, parents are unaware of what is happening, and most kids don’t volunteer the information, especially as they get older. Victims of bullying are sometimes too scared, ashamed, or intimidated to talk about it. Hence, bullying can continue for a long time without adults realizing what’s going on.
The Mental Health Consequences of Teenage Bullying
Research shows some of the mental health impacts of teen bullying:
Increased risk of anxiety, depression, and trauma: Regardless of the type of bullying or the method used, kids who are bullied usually feel shame, loneliness, anxiety, and sadness. Bullying is a traumatic experience that can lead to depression in high school. One study found that mental health problems were four times higher among boys who had been bullied and 2.4 times higher among girls who had been bullied. And the more frequently a teen is bullied, the more severe the emotional impact becomes.
Higher risk of suicide: Ongoing bullying can catalyze suicidal ideation and suicide attempts. One recent study found that bullying was a major factor in the increase in teen suicides when students returned to in-person school after online learning during the pandemic. Returning from online to in-person education was associated with an increase in the rate of teen suicides of as much as 18 percent. Furthermore, adolescent victims of cyberbullying are four times as likely to attempt suicide and self-harm.
Low self-worth: Because early adolescence and middle adolescence are such formative stages of life, adolescent bullying can leave long-term scars on a teenager’s psyche. Being bullied undermines a teen’s sense of self-worth and may negatively impact their ability to form trusting peer relationships in the future.
Moreover, it’s not just bullying victims who experience long-term mental health consequences. Research shows that when people bully others, they are at higher risk for aggressive and anti-social behaviors, substance use, dropping out of school, early sexual activity, and criminal convictions.
10 Signs of Bullying
To answer the question, “Is my teenager bullied?” parents need to watch for changes in their teen’s behavior. Teens may have one or more symptoms of bullying, or may have marked changes in other behaviors. While the signs of bullying listed below are not a guarantee that a teen is being bullied, knowing what to look for can help parents find out what is happening.
Signs that your teen is being bullied include:
- Unexplained cuts, scratches, or bruises
- Missing, damaged, or torn belongings
- Loss of appetite or changes in appetite
- Frequent stomachaches, headaches, or other physical complaints
- Trying to get out of going to school or after-school activities
- Reduced interest in school, or poor grades
- Seeming sad, moody, or depressed, especially after school
- Exhibiting anxious behaviors
- Decreased self-esteem
- Withdrawing from friends and social activities
If you notice any of these signs, it’s critical to have a conversation with your teen about whether they are experiencing physical bullying, verbal bullying, or other types of bullying behavior, such as mean girl behavior, sextortion, or gaslighting.
My Son Is Fighting at School: Reasons Why
If you’ve found out your son is the one engaging in physical altercations with other students at school, it’s important not only to stop the behavior from continuing, but to find out the reasons behind it. Kids fight for various reasons, often stemming from emotional, social, or environmental factors. Here are some common triggers:
- Emotional regulation challenges: Many children struggle to manage their emotions, leading to physical outbursts.
- Peer conflicts, misunderstandings, and jealousy: Disagreements with friends or siblings can escalate into fights, especially when children lack conflict-resolution skills.
- Reactions to authority and discipline: Some fights arise in response to rules or discipline. They use fighting to assert dominance in situations where they feel powerless.
- Unmet needs and frustration: Fights can also result from feeling ignored or unimportant, acting out to gain attention from adults or peers. They could also be struggling with significant changes, such as moving to a new town or parental separation/divorce.
- Exposure to aggression: If the child is being bullied, aggression and fighting may serve as defense mechanisms.
What to Do When Your Kid Is Fighting
Practice active listening
Create a safe space for your son to express his feelings and thoughts about the fight. Encourage him to share what led to the altercation, how he felt during and after the incident, and what he thinks could have been done differently. Listening without judgment can help him feel supported.
Discuss conflict resolution
Use this opportunity to talk about healthier ways to handle conflicts. Help him learn the importance of communication, empathy, and asking trusted adults for support when needed.
Set clear expectations
Make it clear that fighting is not an acceptable way to resolve problems. Discuss the consequences of such behavior and establish expectations for future conduct.
Encourage positive activities
Engage your son in activities that promote teamwork and self-discipline, such as sports, martial arts, or clubs.
What Parents Can Do to Prevent Teenage Bullying
Here are some ways parents can help teens cope with adolescent bullying.
Check in daily with your teen
Remember that victims of bullying often hide their pain, so talking about bullying will be most successful if the conversations are indirect. Talk about all aspects of school—for example, who they hang out with, what they do between classes, and why they enjoy some parts of school more than others. Checking in daily with your teen not only strengthens your connection but also gives you important information about what your teen is experiencing.
Educate them about why people bully
If a teen is being bullied, they need to understand that the harm caused to them by other students is not their fault. Explain to them why teens bully their peers and that bullies try to control and diminish others because of their own emotional struggles. That doesn’t mean teens should put up with bullying. But understanding the reasons kids bully may help a young person to take the behavior less personally and to see the bully as less intimidating.
Empower teens to cope with bullying behavior
To help empower young people, work with them to develop strategies for handling bullying, such as:
- Having a few neutral phrases to use when facing a bully, such as “Not funny” or “Cut it out”
- Walking away; not reacting or engaging with the bully
- Keeping a straight face without showing anger or fear
- Making sure to have supportive friends with them in situations where they may encounter bullying
- Letting teachers or other adults know what’s going on. This may be hard for teens, but parents can let them know that doing so is not “tattling”; it’s a way to protect themselves and other potential victims.
Show them unconditional love
Bullying can have terrible negative effects on a young person’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth. If your child is being bullied, they may start to believe they are unlikable and somehow deserve this treatment. Parents need to make sure their child knows they are loved and valued. Encourage them to spend time with friends and family members they trust who make them feel good about themselves.
Be an anti-bullying activist in your school community
Parents can contact administrators and teachers at their child’s school to report what’s happening and request additional supervision or other interventions to reduce bullying. They can also work with school boards and community organizations to implement bullying prevention strategies. Or a parent-teacher organization could sponsor speakers and trainings on bullying.
Consult a mental health professional
A school guidance counselor, therapist, social worker, psychologist, or other mental health professional can offer strategies to help parents protect teens and to help teens cope with the mental health effects of adolescent bullying.
Mental Health Support for Teens at PrairieCare
As a parent, it’s important that you remain vigilant and maintain communication with your teen. Teens will have a better chance of avoiding the negative psychological impact of teenage bullying if you remain an open, safe space for them to share. And remember, if your teen is experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, trauma, or suicidal behavior, expert mental health support is a necessity.
At PrairieCare, we support teens to heal mental health and self-esteem issues through individual therapy to process past trauma, including bullying. In addition, our teen patients gain healthy coping strategies for dealing with difficult emotions like loneliness and feeling excluded. With a full continuum of services for teens in the Twin Cities, Mankato, and Rochester, you don’t have to wait to get services for your child that make a difference.
Contact us today at 952-826-8475 to get your questions answered and to complete a screening over the phone, at no cost to you. You can also request a screening over the phone using the button below.
FAQ
Why do teenagers engage in bullying behavior?
- Teenagers may bully others due to a desire for power, peer pressure, low self-esteem, or exposure to violence at home. They might also mimic behaviors seen in their environment.
What are the different types of bullying behavior among adolescents today?
- Adolescents may experience physical bullying (hitting or pushing), verbal bullying (name-calling or threats), social bullying (exclusion or spreading rumors), and cyberbullying (harassment through digital platforms).
How can I help a teenager who is being bullied at school?
- Listen to them without judgment, encourage open communication, and validate their feelings. Help them report the bullying to school authorities and explore coping strategies together.
Why do teenagers bully others, and what psychological or social interventions reduce that behavior?
- Teenagers may bully due to insecurity or a need for social dominance. Interventions like social-emotional learning, empathy training, and conflict resolution programs can effectively reduce bullying behavior.
How does bullying contribute to mental health issues?
- Bullying can lead to chronic stress, feelings of isolation, and trauma, which may result in mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
What is social media’s role in modern teen bullying?
- Social media can amplify bullying by providing a platform for cyberbullying, allowing harmful behavior to reach a wider audience quickly and often anonymously, making it harder for victims to escape.
Sources
- 2024 U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People
- Youth Risk Behavior Survey Data Summary & Trends Report: 2013–2023
- Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2022 Feb; 19(4): 2374.
- Child Adolesc Psychiatry Ment Health. 2021; 15(74): 10.1186.
- J Child Family Studies. 2019; 28: 2415–2428.
- J Med Internet Res. 2018; 20(4): e129.
- Aust N Z J Psychiatry. 2016 Apr; 50(4): 371-9.
- National Center for Education Statistics