The holidays are typically a time of joy, but for children of divorce, this can be an emotionally challenging time. If you are a parent facing Christmas, Hanukkah, or other winter holidays for the first time as a divorced family, you are probably wondering how to help your children navigate all the changes.
As difficult as this new chapter is for your family, there are several ways you can support your children this holiday season and throughout the entire transition. By coming together as co-parents and prioritizing your kids’ needs, you can begin to build new traditions that extend far beyond the holidays.
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- How to Help Kids Cope with a Missing Parent
- 5 Ways Parents Can Support Children of Divorce at the Holidays
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Children of Divorce Statistics
Unfortunately, divorce is a more common occurrence than ever, impacting around one million children each year. According to the CDC, roughly 50 percent of children in the US will experience their parents’ divorce. The stress of divorce can be traumatic for a child, and research shows that impacted children exhibit higher levels of anxiety, depression, and antisocial behavior than children who come from homes where parents are together.
Additionally, the time in which the divorce happens plays a pivotal role in the impact on a child’s mental health. According to research from the University College London, if the parents’ divorce takes place when the child is between the ages of 7 and 14, they are more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems. Another study found that about 46 percent of children in high-conflict families of divorce were at greater risk of experiencing post-traumatic stress symptoms.
If your child is experiencing any of the following symptoms, you may want to consult with a mental health professional:
- Academic decline
- Difficulty concentrating
- Regressive behaviors (bed-wetting, thumb-sucking)
- Withdrawal from family and friends
- Physical symptoms (headaches, stomachaches, difficulty sleeping)
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Feelings of guilt, as if the divorce is their fault
- Behavioral issues, temper tantrums
- Separation anxiety
Hence, it is important to keep these statistics in mind as you prepare for the holidays in this new stage of life. Your child is not only grieving the separation and disruption to the family unit, but their beloved holiday traditions.
How Divorce Impacts Children at the Holidays
One of the most significant issues children will face during the holiday season is feeling torn between two parents, two homes and multiple families. While each parent and extended family member wants their fair share of time with the kids, it is important to understand how this tug-of-war can trigger stress and anxiety in kids.
Moreover, new financial realities of moving to a one-income household could be adding to the stress of the holidays. As a parent, you may be worried about paying the mortgage, let alone putting gifts under the tree. Be open an honest with age-appropriate explanations about how your spending will need to change this year. There are plenty of ways to make the season magical for kids without the high price tag.
How to Help Kids Cope with Missing the Other Parent
Divorce can be amicable or very hostile depending on the situation. Regardless, your child is going to feel the void of not being able to see the other parent every day. And depending on the holiday schedule you’ve outlined, or how far away the ex-spouse now lives, your child may not be able to spend the holiday with them at all.
Therefore, it’s important to encourage your child to talk about their feelings. Create a safe space for them to express their sadness or worry without fear of judgment. For young children, this can be done through simple conversations, journaling, or creative activities like drawing or writing letters to the other parent.
Luckily with FaceTime, Zoom, and other video conferencing apps, it’s easier than ever to maintain communication and connection with the other parent. Use technology to schedule regular video calls or phone conversations, allowing children to share what’s happening in their lives and to feel more connected.
5 Ways Parents Can Support Children of Divorce at the Holidays
1. Put Your Kids First
Just remember, while you are no longer married, you will always be parents. Tensions may be running high as you begin a new co-parenting holiday routine, but it is critical that you make your kids feel as safe and secure as possible. Refrain from negative talk about your ex in front of your kids. Additionally, never use your children as pawns in any conflicts or disputes over the holiday schedule.
2. Plan Ahead
A typical family can feel overwhelmed when it comes to managing time with extended family. But divorce can complicate things even more. Give yourself enough time to prepare your children for what changes to expect. They need time to process their emotions.
Moreover, extended family members need to understand that this year is difficult and that you will be prioritizing your kids’ mental health. This may mean setting some boundaries around where you’ll be spending your time. Instead of trying to visit multiple homes on perhaps this year is better spent at home healing as a family and adjusting to the new normal.
3. Encourage Open Communication
Encourage your kids to talk about their emotions—their worries, fears, frustration, and sadness—as they anticipate the new holiday schedule. They may be concerned about missing their other parent, or that they won’t be waking up Christmas morning in the house they’ve grown up in. They will likely have a lot of questions about how this holiday will be different, so it is important to help them through with love and compassion.
4. Maintain Treasured Holiday Traditions (But Make Some New Ones Too!)
No doubt, there are probably some holiday traditions your kids look forward to each year. Whether it’s the excitement of finding where the Elf on the Shelf moved overnight or decorating sugar cookies, keep these traditions alive and well this year. Young children especially expect routine, so taking away any of their anticipated holiday traditions could add to their stress and anxiety.
However, it is also important to begin incorporating some new traditions to the mix. Get your kids’ feedback to make them feel like they have a voice in how to make the holiday special. Instead of dwelling on all the differences in this year’s festivities, start building new memories as a smaller family unit.
Here are a few ways to create some special moments this holiday season:
- Schedule holiday movie nights
- Find a new dish to incorporate into the holiday meal and prepare it as a family
- Volunteer at a shelter to hand out meals
- Create holiday cards to deliver to nursing homes
- Take in all the festive decorations your city has to offer
- Bake your favorite holiday treats and deliver them to neighbors
- Make a new ornament to add to the tree
5. Focus on New Beginnings
New Year’s celebrations will take on new meaning this year for your family. Rather than focus on the difficulties of the past year, vow to make the upcoming year one of positive change and new adventures. Make a New Year’s resolution to co-parent with respect and always in the best interest of your children.
Additional Support Through Treatment
It is important to recognize that the holiday season can be a time of increased stress, depression, and anxiety for your children after divorce. If you have a child who is having difficulty navigating their emotions and needs additional support, PrairieCare can help.
We offer a full continuum of mental health services for people of all ages throughout the Twin Cities, Rochester, and Mankato. Our licensed therapists can provide valuable strategies and support to help you or your child work through the trauma and other complex emotions brought about by divorce. Contact us today.
Connect to Care Today
Anyone who needs mental health support can call our team anytime at 952-826-8475 to access a no-cost mental health screening and ask questions about starting therapy. You can also request a screening using our form, and our team will reach out to you within one business day to get started.
What does a mental health screening include? Click here to learn more about the benefits of calling PrairieCare for a screening.
Sources
- J Child Adol. 2022; 15: 615–625.
- Centre for Longitudinal Studies, January 2019