When you’re home for the holidays, do you find yourself acting like a moody teenager again, getting irritated at every word your parents say? Maybe being back home makes you want to push your parents’ buttons, just because you can. Or you might find that no matter how much has changed since you lived at home, it’s way too easy to fall back into old patterns from a younger age, and get triggered by issues you thought you’d long since resolved.
If you’re the parent of a young adult, you might experience this from a different point of view. Do your grown kids roll their eyes when you ask a simple question? Do your competent, independent 20 somethings suddenly seem unable to do anything for themselves? In the blink of an eye, your adult child can step into a time machine and emerge 13 years old all over again.
There’s a name for this phenomenon. It’s called regression, and the holidays are a prime catalyst.
What You’ll Learn
- What causes holiday regression in young adults, and why is it so common when returning home?
- What triggers can pull young adults back into younger versions of themselves?
- What practical strategies can young adults use to avoid regression during holiday visits?
- What can parents do to support their adult children?
- When is regressive behavior a sign of a deeper mental health issue?
Quick Read
For many young adults, going home for the holidays can suddenly mean you’re irritable, reactive, or slipping into old habits you thought you’d outgrown. This experience, known as regression, is a common psychological response to stress, familiar environments, and long-standing family dynamics. Scents, sounds, and even old routines can trigger emotional memories that pull you back into earlier versions of yourself.
Holiday regression is fueled not only by old patterns but also by the pressure for everything to be joyful and picture-perfect. Combined with the high stress many young adults already carry, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and more emotionally reactive around family. The good news is that there are practical ways to break the cycle. Setting boundaries, sticking to self-care routines, limiting alcohol, and leaning into adult roles can help you stay grounded in who you are now.
Parents can also play a key role by checking in ahead of time, spending intentional one-on-one time with their adult children, and resisting the urge to fall back into old parenting habits. Respecting autonomy and encouraging open communication can reduce stress for everyone. While some regression is normal, more extreme or persistent behaviors may signal deeper mental health concerns.
Why Young Adults Regress When They’re Back Home
Regression is a psychological defense mechanism that causes people to revert to an earlier developmental stage in response to stress, anxiety, frustration, or a traumatic event. When young adults return home for the holidays, they often regress in response to stress-inducing family dynamics that can arise at this time of the year.
Sigmund Freud, often called “the father of modern psychology,” believed people regress to childhood to protect themselves from feeling uncomfortable emotions. It doesn’t matter if the roles and routines young people established in childhood are no longer relevant or useful.
When young people are home for the holidays and feel triggered, their knee-jerk reaction is often to revert to what’s familiar. According to one study, young adults are more likely than their older counterparts to use often unconscious defense mechanisms like acting out, passive-aggression, and regression to an earlier developmental stage.
What Triggers Regression?
Trauma researchers have discovered that places, sounds, and scents associated with difficult experiences can cause painful memories to resurface. These sensory experiences—like putting on an old winter coat left in your childhood closet or listening to a particular holiday song—can transport people to an earlier stage of life, and catalyze regressive behavior as a result.
In particular, scent has the power to evoke especially potent memories, according to recent research. That’s why the smell of apple pie baking or their grandfather’s cigar can cause a young adult to have an emotional reaction they couldn’t have predicted, for better or worse. This is known as involuntary age regression, as opposed to voluntary age regression, when a young adult consciously chooses to engage in regressive behaviors.
Why Are Holidays Stressful for Young Adults?
Old memories aren’t the only thing that cause stress for young adults, along with reversion to a younger state. When they’re home for the holidays there’s also the pressure that this time together be a joy-filled extravaganza. Some families get so caught up in the frenzy of decorating, meal-making, and gift-giving that all the fun gets drained away. The expectation that everything look perfect and everyone be merry causes stress in and of itself.
In addition, young adults are experiencing high levels of everyday stress. According to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America 2023 report, 58 percent of young adults (ages 18–34) feel overwhelmed by stress most of the time. And 68 percent say their stress level makes them more impatient with the people around them. Young adults may feel safer letting off steam with their parents when they’re home for the holidays, as opposed to taking out their stress on friends or colleagues.
In addition, young adults may experience other symptoms that tend to get worse in response to holiday stressors. The mental and physical signs of stress include fatigue, anxiety, withdrawal, difficulty sleeping, disordered eating, shortness of breath, difficulty concentrating, dissociation, and increased substance use. These symptoms, along with regressive behaviors, may be signs of a larger mental health issue.
What Young Adults Can Do to Avoid Holiday Age Regression
Young adults can equip themselves with strategies and tools to avoid regressing mentally when they’re home with family during the holiday season. If you find yourself wondering, Why am I regressing to chlldhood?, try these approaches to overcome holiday stress and ward off involuntary age regression.
Discuss Triggers Beforehand
Before the holiday season, have a call or get-together with your family. Tell them how you’re feeling about the holidays. Express your concerns and see what your parents can do to help mitigate them. It’s possible there are simple ways to avoid the triggers from holidays past, whether that’s a traumatic event or longstanding issues related to family dynamics.
Set Boundaries as Needed
Determine how much time you’re going to spend with a taxing relative and which holiday gatherings you might skip out on altogether. If you need to minimize your exposure to certain people or gatherings, do it. Take a time-out for an afternoon or stay at a friend’s house for a night or two. Your parents may not love this, but it’ll be better for your relationship in the long run.
Practice Self-Care
People are more reactive when they’re drained. That’s why it’s so important to maintain your self-care routines (such as adequate sleep, exercise, and nutrition) during the holidays. You’ll be better able to think clearly, problem-solve effectively, and react calmly. If you feel jittery, take healthy steps to unwind. Go for a walk, do some yoga, or get to bed early.
Minimize Alcohol Use
Even though the holidays are a time when alcohol is everywhere, grabbing a drink to ease your stress has the potential to make things worse. When under the influence, people can have a more difficult time regulating emotions like anger. One study showed that the loss of inhibition that comes with alcohol consumption can increase the risk of domestic conflict. Keep your alcohol intake low to moderate.
Connect with Who You Are Now
To reduce holiday regression, remind yourself of how much you’ve grown since you lived at home. Find a touchstone to reconnect you with your life now. FaceTime your current roommate or romantic partner—or bring your romantic partner home for the holidays. Spend time with friends who are also home for the holidays, and talk about your new lives rather than dredging up old complaints about your families. Take a more active role around the house now that you have independent living skills.
Stand Up Straight
Holiday regression can cause young adults to revert not only emotionally, but physically as well. Are you holding your breath, slouching, frowning, or looking at the ground to avoid uncomfortable interactions? Even though you might feel like curling up into a fetal position, commit to an adult posture. Plant your feet evenly on the ground, take a deep breath, and stand up tall. Notice how you feel when you do. Physically connecting with your sense of self-worth will ground you and help prevent you from regressing.
Practice Mindfulness
When you get emotionally and mentally entangled by holiday stress, practice mindfulness. Sit down. Set a time limit, perhaps five minutes. Tune in to how your body feels. Focus on your breath moving in and out. When your mind wanders, don’t judge it. Just return to your breath. Practicing mindfulness can reduce the symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression. As you become more fully present, you’ll be able to notice when you’re slipping into patterns that are out of alignment with who you are now.
How Parents Can Support Their Grown Children During the Holidays
Even though your young adult kids are old enough to look out for themselves, you can still help ensure their holidays are more enjoyable than stressful by making a few simple adjustments yourself. As a bonus, you’re less likely to have to deal with juvenile behaviors as a result of your adult child’s stress-induced age regression.
Check In Beforehand
If your child hasn’t reached out to have a conversation about how to approach holiday gatherings, reach out to them. Find out what they’re looking forward to and what they’re most concerned about. Come up with a game plan to address their needs that doesn’t compromise your own.
Schedule One-on-One Time
Don’t let the holidays come and go in a rush of social commotion. Make sure you and your grown child have some one-on-one time. Find a day or evening to take a walk, go out for a meal, or just spend some quiet time together at home. Learning how to communicate with your adult child in a meaningful way can have a powerful effect on their long-term well-being. One recent study of more than 15,000 young Americans found that young people who reported higher levels of parent-to-child warmth, communication, time together, and relationship satisfaction had significantly higher levels of general health.
Respect their Autonomy
Remember: Your child isn’t a minor anymore. You need to respect their independence and their right to make their own decisions. Don’t expect them to follow the same rules they did as a teenager. If they’re headed out in the evening, you can ask them to call or text to let you know if they’re not coming home, but it’s no longer appropriate to set a curfew. Treating in a more adult manner will help reduce their holiday stress and regressive behavior.
Don’t Fall into Old Parenting Habits
When parents and adult children are home for the holidays, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. The parent may wash all the dishes, do everyone’s laundry, or remind the child to straighten up their room. Resist the urge to fall into these old habits. Remember that your young adult can take care of themselves and will benefit from doing so. (This is especially important if your young adult is moving back home.)
Is Regressive Behavior a Sign of a Larger Mental Health Issue?
A certain level of age regression is natural when young adults come home for the holidays. Sometimes they may simply be exhausted by “adulting” and revert to a younger state because they simply want to be taken care of. However, regressive behavior can point to a larger mental health issue.
When young adults are easily triggered or their regressive behaviors seem extreme, they might be struggling with unresolved childhood trauma. Individuals with a history of significant trauma may dissociate when triggered, leading to regressive behaviors such as an inability to manage their emotions and self-care. Research shows that regressing mentally to a younger state can also be a sign of major depression, borderline personality disorder, or a dissociative disorder, such as dissociative identity disorder.
Watch for other mental health warning signs in addition to regressive behaviors, including:
- Mood changes
- Social isolation
- Unhealthy relationships
- Poor self-care
- Lack of motivation
- Increased substance use as a coping mechanism for distress
Should Young Adults Start Treatment During the Holidays?
Entering treatment for mental health conditions may not seem appealing to young adults, even when they know they need help. However, treatment is important even during the holidays—and can be life transforming. Moreover, treatment that includes family therapy can help parents and young adult children work through challenging family dynamics and improve their relationships.
In fact, experiencing age regression in response to holiday stressors may be the push young adults need to seek mental healthcare. The first step is a consultation with a doctor or mental health professional who can conduct a full mental health assessment.
PrairieCare’s Mental Health Treatment for All Ages
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Our team of mental health professionals is highly experienced in helping people of all ages heal from anxiety, depression, trauma, and more. The best time to get support is now. Call us at 952-826-8475 or use the button below to request a complimentary care questionnaire.
FAQs
What is holiday regression in young adults?
- Holiday regression is when young adults unconsciously slip back into adolescent behaviors when they return home. Familiar environments, family dynamics, and seasonal stressors can trigger old emotional patterns and make it harder to respond as the independent adult they are in everyday life.
What triggers age regression during the holidays?
- Triggers can include unresolved family dynamics, traumatic memories, sensory cues tied to childhood, increased stress, disrupted routines, and substance use. Even simple experiences—like wearing an old coat or hearing a nostalgic holiday song—can resurface emotions from earlier developmental stages.
How can young adults avoid holiday regression?
- Young adults can prevent regression by discussing triggers ahead of time, setting boundaries with relatives, maintaining self-care routines, limiting alcohol use, practicing mindfulness, and staying connected to their current life. Small grounding techniques can help maintain emotional balance.
When is holiday regression a sign of a mental health issue?
- Mild regression is normal, but extreme or persistent regressions can signal deeper issues such as unresolved trauma, depression, dissociative disorders, or difficulty managing stress. Warning signs include mood swings, isolation, poor self-care, increased substance use, or an inability to regulate emotions. In these cases, a mental health screening or professional support can be helpful.
Sources
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- Prim Care Companion CNS Disord. 2015; 17(3): 10.4088.
- Behaviour Research Ther. 2007 Sept. 45(9) : 2053–2065.
- Aging and Mental Health. 2007 Jun; 11(4): 415–422.