Getting information out of a teen boy can be difficult, if not impossible. The stereotypes of teenage boy communication at this age—monosyllabic answers to every question, a complete lack of eye contact, and the inevitable eye roll when asked about their life—are often true. And then there’s the struggle to get them away from their phones, video games, or other devices long enough to have a heart-to-heart conversation.
But it’s worth taking the time and making the effort, because research shows that mental health in teen boys is suffering. While boys are less likely to report anxiety or depression symptoms, their risk of suicide is high. A recent CDC report found that 29 percent of boys report feeling sad or hopeless almost every day. And 14 percent of teen boys had seriously considered suicide in the past year.
But parents can help. Research indicates that parent-child communication can have a profound positive difference on adolescent well-being.
Key Takeaways
- While teen boys are less likely than girls to talk about their feelings of sadness or anxiety, data shows they are experiencing high rates of mental health challenges.
- Parents can help teen boys understand the importance of being vulnerable and educate them about why mental health matters.
- When talking to boys about mental health, it’s crucial to balance attention and interest with respecting their privacy.
- If your teen son is struggling, PrairieCare offers no-cost mental health screenings and can recommend appropriate mental health services.
5 Tips for Talking to Boys About Mental Health
Here are five ways for parents, other caregivers, and mentors to push through the barriers and learn how to talk to boys about their mental health.
#1: Do More Listening Than Talking
Most boys are not as verbally prolific as their female counterparts. Many male teens are conditioned not to show as much emotion or even give as many cues through body language or facial expressions. This requires parents and care providers to be that much more attentive to the cues teen boys do give, and the few words that they do say. As parents and caregivers, you need to listen more and talk less.
The most productive feedback about a young teen boy’s mental health comes from watching and listening. Look for changes in sleep, mood, level of irritability, and eating habits. Pushing for verbal communication isn’t always necessary or helpful. When a boy is emotionally volatile, he may perceive questions as prying or judgmental, becoming defensive and less likely to open up. Active listening will help earn his trust, and, over time, he will be more likely to open up.
#2: Make It Okay to Be Vulnerable
When parents and other adults are vulnerable and open about their feelings, while respecting appropriate boundaries, teens are more likely to respond in kind. In particular, if another male figure—whether a father, older brother, or mentor—is willing to communicate about emotions and struggles associated with male mental health, teen boys will feel encouraged and safe to express their feelings.
Establishing honest communication requires acceptance, compassion, and a nonjudgmental attitude. One of the most common errors adults make is communicating to boys that their emotions are unacceptable or shameful. Dismissive messages, such as “Grow up,” “Be a man,” or “Deal with it,” convey the message that being vulnerable is wrong or that it is not okay to feel what they’re feeling. These types of messages, whether explicit or implicit, keep boys from sharing what they’re feeling or letting parents know they need help. That may be one of the reasons why a 2020 study of private mental healthcare claims for teens found that females accounted for more than two-thirds of mental health claims.
#3: Give Teen Boys Mental Health Education
How male mental health is perceived and discussed at home directly impacts how a teen boy relates to this topic and how willing he will be to discuss it. For example, if a friend or family member is diagnosed with or receiving treatment for any type of mental health condition, be open and discuss it.
News stories about celebrities struggling with mental health or addiction, movies or TV on these subjects, and peers’ social media posts can all serve as doorways to talking about teen mental health. Watch for opportunities to encourage mental health education through school or other activities. Parents who are open and educated about mental health will encourage a similar mindset in their son.
#4: Respect Their Emotional and Personal Space
As a parent or caregiver, a good rule of thumb for any type of personal or emotional question is to ask twice, but not too many times. The first time lets him know that you are interested; the second time demonstrates that you care. However, being more than that can make you seem invasive or nosy if he is not ready to open up. Showing concern and yet respecting personal space allows him to build trust, and those trusting bonds between parents and adolescents are proven to decrease the risk of anxiety and depression.
There may be times when it is appropriate to check an electronic device, journal, bedroom, or another personal item. When there are serious concerns about substance use, self-harm, or other issues for a teen boy or one of his friends, getting more information could be necessary. But this is a violation of personal privacy and may create lasting damage to his trust in you or your relationship with him. Whenever possible, focus on building trust and encouraging him to share, rather than seeking answers by betraying his trust.
#5: Be Open to Conversations as They Arise
Sometimes, the most honest and heartfelt communication happens when it’s not planned—while driving, working together, exercising together, or playing together. All of the listening, respectfulness, and trust-building may come to fruition at the most unexpected moments, so it is essential to be ready to listen.
Moreover, when a young teen boy is verbally communicating, don’t interrupt. Eventually, you will have the opportunity to offer feedback and advice, but if you don’t let him finish talking, he may stop talking altogether. Even if what you’re hearing is scary or upsetting, stay calm and, when he’s ready to hear from you, assure him you will weather the storm together.
In summary, listen to and observe teen boys, and then create opportunities to learn more about male mental health together. Patience, acceptance, and unconditional love will build the foundation on which a teen boy feels safe to share his inner self.
Mental Health Services for Teen Boys at PrairieCare
At PrairieCare, we recognize the challenges that teenage boys face in our society. We support young people and their families in building trust and fostering open communication. Through our full continuum of care, our experts can help teens feel safe turning to their parents for support when they’re struggling.
Teens in our programming emerge with greater self-awareness and self-esteem, improved family relationships, and healthy coping skills. Through individual, group, and experiential therapies, boys can reconnect with themselves and form healthy connections with those around them. Get started today at our locations throughout Minnesota.
You can also request a no-cost mental health screening by clicking the button below and filling out the form on the right. Our team will then contact you within one business day to begin the process.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do teen boys avoid talking about their feelings?
- Teen boys are often socialized to believe that showing emotions other than anger is unacceptable or shameful. Dismissive messages, such as “Grow up,” “Be a man,” or “Deal with it,” convey the message that being vulnerable is wrong and that it is not okay to feel what they’re feeling.
What do you do if your teen won’t talk to you?
- Teen boys often struggle to articulate their feelings. Wait for a good moment, when your son is relaxed. A good time is when you’re doing an activity together, such as walking or driving, that doesn’t require eye contact. Ask open-ended questions, listen carefully, and don’t interrupt or share your opinion until you’re sure he wants to hear it.
How can I be a good role model for my son?
- Fathers and other male family members and mentors can model for teen boys what it looks like to be strong while also being open and honest about their feelings. Teach your teen boy that showing vulnerability and asking for help aren’t signs of weakness. Instead, they demonstrate your strength and self-worth.
Sources
- JCC Advances. 2023 Nov; e2205: 10.1002.