We all know ghosting feels bad. It’s rejection plus confusion—a formula for self-doubt and overthinking. But why does ghosting have such a substantial negative impact, even when the “ghoster” is someone you barely knew?
Being ghosted can bring back to life old ideas we have about ourselves that we thought were long dead and buried. And it can even trigger childhood trauma. Moreover, ghosting someone has negative mental health repercussions for the ghoster, too. Repeating this behavior—what’s known as “serial ghosting”—can reinforce patterns of poor communication and conflict avoidance.
Here we take a look at the mental health effects of ghosting on young adults on both sides of the interaction, and explore ways to find closure. We’ll also look at behaviors related to ghosting, such as “caspering” and “breadcrumbing.”
What You’ll Learn
- What is ghosting, and how has technology helped it become a common dating behavior?
- How can being ghosted affect your mental health?
- Why does ghosting feel so painful, even when the relationship was brief?
- What reasons do people give for ghosting instead of communicating openly?
- Which coping strategies can help you heal, rebuild self-esteem, and move forward after being ghosted?
Quick Read
Ghosting is the practice of abruptly discontinuing all communication with someone—no calls, no texts, and no explanation. While it most often occurs in dating, it can also happen in friendships or even long-term relationships. Technology has made ghosting easier than ever, allowing people to vanish with a swipe or a click. The term itself gained widespread recognition in the early 2000s, earning a spot in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary by 2017.
Being ghosted can hurt more than many expect. In the short term, it often leads to confusion, rumination, and self-blame. Over time, it may chip away at self-esteem, create mistrust in future relationships, and trigger feelings of loneliness or even depression. For some, ghosting reawakens old wounds from past rejection or trauma, making the experience feel bigger and more painful than the relationship itself.
If you’ve been ghosted, remember—it’s not about you. Ghosters often disappear because they fear confrontation, feel overwhelmed, or simply lack communication skills. Coping means letting go of the need for answers, connecting with supportive friends or loved ones, and practicing self-compassion. Ghosting can be a painful ending, but it also clears the way for healthier relationships built on honesty and respect.
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is the all-too-common practice of abruptly ending a relationship or interaction—suddenly ceasing contact with no explanation. They don’t reply to your texts or take your calls. Typically, this behavior occurs within romantic relationships, most often when people have been dating for a short time.
However, it can also occur in longer relationships, as well as within friendships or other relationships. Sometimes a person gradually fades away, by sending shorter, more infrequent texts, for example. At other times, they seem to vanish without warning.
While ghosting has likely been around for a long time in one form or another, the term and behavior gained more prominence in the early 2000s. That’s because smartphones and technology created new ways for people to date—and to disappear. Some articles date the rise of the ghosting phenomenon to around 2015, when news outlets reported that actress Charlize Theron broke up with Sean Penn by ghosting him.
Other stories on the origin of ghosting credit the writer and cartoonist Hannah VanderPoel with popularizing the concept with her video “Ghoster’s Paradise.” What we do know for certain is that the word “ghosting” was added to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary in 2017.
How Being Ghosted Affects Young Adult Mental Health
Research indicates that ghosting hurts mental health for both the ghoster and the “ghostee.” And it can have both long-term and short-term effects. Here are some of the ways being ghosted impacts mental health.
Short-Term Effects of Ghosting
- Confusion about what happened, due to the lack of answers or clarity
- Rumination—repeatedly thinking about the relationship and interactions due to the lack of closure
- Blaming yourself for doing something “wrong” that caused the ghosting
- Feeling of rejection and not being good enough
Long-Term Effects of Ghosting
- Struggles with self-esteem and self-worth
- Mistrust of others, which can impact future relationships
- Sadness and distress related to relationships in general
- Loneliness, which can contribute to depressive symptoms
- Believing you are unlovable
- Lower life satisfaction
Why Is It So Hard to Get Over Being Ghosted?
Almost everyone has been ghosted or ghosted someone else. And in many cases, you might barely know the person who ghosts you (or vice versa). So why does being ghosted haunt us for so long?
Negativity bias
Humans are wired to hold onto negative experiences more than positive ones. That’s because our ancestors needed to be aware of environmental dangers to survive. Unfortunately, we haven’t yet let go of that tendency, even though it no longer serves our best interests. As a result, it’s easier for us to get stuck on the emotions of being ghosted than to focus on the many positive interactions we have throughout the day.
Uncertainty
The unknowns and uncertainty associated with ghosting make it harder to move on. Without knowing what happened, your mind can spin in circles trying to remember who said what when, and what you might have said or done wrong. You might wonder if something happened to the person and they’re not intentionally ghosting you. (While this is a possibility, it’s usually not the case.)
Old wounds reawakened
If you have a history of abuse, neglect, loss, or betrayal, ghosting can resurface the fears and grief associated with those traumatic experiences. Whether the trauma occurred in childhood or in an abusive romantic relationship, the wounds may run deep. Hence, they can be easily reopened by a seemingly insignificant event, such as being ghosted by someone you barely know. And if you had a strong attachment to the person who ghosted you, the feelings of abandonment and loss can be intense.
Self-doubt
Perhaps most painful of all, being ghosted can lead you to question yourself, your judgment, and even your past relationships. Were the feelings and connection you experienced real? Did the other person feel the same way? Is there something you’re doing that’s causing others to ghost you? Becoming more aware of your own tendencies and patterns may be helpful for you. But victims of ghosting should never feel that they are at fault. No matter what happened between you, the ghostee owed you an explanation and goodbye, at the very least.
Underlying mental health issues
Sometimes the sadness and confusion associated with ghosting isn’t really about the ghosting itself. Instead, the experience is a trigger for other issues. For example, someone who can’t stop obsessing over being ghosted could be suffering from relationship OCD. This is a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder in which a person becomes fixated on their feelings and thoughts about their relationship.
Or, feelings of sadness and hopelessness after being ghosted could actually be symptoms of depression. Additionally, an extreme reaction to being ghosted could also be a sign of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). People with RSD have intense emotional responses to rejection, disapproval, or failure.
Reasons People Ghost Each Other
We’ve explored what it’s like to be ghosted. Now let’s examine the other side of the equation: why people disappear without warning. In one study, ghosters reported the following reasons for dropping out of sight:
- Lack of confidence and skills to engage in direct, honest communication
- Social anxiety made them reluctant to meet in person
- Different expectations from the relationship than the other person has
- Wanting to leave a potentially toxic or unsafe situation
- Trying to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings, and believing that ghosting them was kinder than outright rejection
Do the mental health effects of ghosting also impact the ones who disappear? In general, ghosters tend to report less distress than those who were left hanging. But they also experience consequences, most frequently guilt, shame, and remorse. Moreover, serial ghosting behavior suggests that a person may have communication issues that will likely continue to manifest in their relationships. Individuals who habitually ghost may struggle with effectively communicating their needs, preferences, and desires, and may instead shut down or walk away.
Behaviors Related to Ghosting
Ghosting has spawned similar terms for related behaviors, including:
- Cloaking: not only ghosting someone, but also blocking them on all communication platforms, including social media
- Orbiting: when a person ends a relationship or interaction, but continues to stay connected at a distance, via likes or comments on social media, for example
- Breadcrumbing: sending frequent communications that keep the other person engaged, but don’t progress the relationship in any meaningful way
- Caspering: a “friendly ghosting” approach, in which someone makes a clear exit statement before vanishing, such as “It was great to meet you, and I wish you the best.” While this can still leave the other person feeling incomplete or wanting more details, it’s easier to move on when there are no gray areas.
How to Cope with the Mental Health Effects of Ghosting
As we’ve seen, ghosting can trigger deep feelings of hurt and feelings that you’re not enough. But you can make a conscious effort to process or overcome the effects of ghosting. Here are some ways to cope with being ghosted.
Let go of the need for closure and answers.
When you don’t understand why someone disappeared, you can spend way too much time obsessing over what you might have said or done wrong. Let it go. The success of a relationship should not depend on getting every interaction “right.” Moreover, any “answers” they might have given you likely wouldn’t have been helpful or illuminating, anyway.
Remember, it’s probably not about you.
Being ghosted is usually much more about the ghoster than it is about the person they ghosted. It shows their lack of communication skills and maturity, for one. Furthermore, they might have disappeared for other reasons that are entirely unrelated to you. For example, they might have reconnected with an ex, or be going through a tough time, or realize they’re just not ready to date. According to a Forbes survey, ghosters cited personal problems, being busy, and a lack of confidence as common reasons for ghosting.
Use this as an opportunity to reassess your approach.
In one study, about half of young adults who experienced ghosting felt that it gave them a chance to reflect and build resilience. If you’re being serially ghosted via technology, then maybe online dating isn’t your thing. Consider old-school approaches, such as asking friends to set you up, or attending a singles hike or volunteer event. If you plan to continue using the apps, is there anything you’d like to change about how you interact on them? Some people choose to arrange meetups right away rather than going back and forth for weeks, only to be ghosted. Consider what’s working for you and what’s not.
Congratulate yourself on dodging a bullet.
A person who vanishes without explanation is likely someone who lacks the necessary skills to build a strong, trusting connection. If you’re looking for someone willing to have hard conversations and work through stressors, they’re probably not there yet. (And if this makes you think about how you could have handled situations differently, that’s okay. Maybe next time you’ll try caspering instead of ghosting!)
Process underlying issues raised by ghosting.
If being ghosted has brought up old, unwanted thought patterns or ideas about yourself, take the time to process and move through them. That might mean journaling about it, creating art, writing a letter, or consulting a therapist. You could start with a mental health self-check. If you’re not sure why ghosting is bringing up such intense emotions, a trained clinician can help you get to the root of what you’re experiencing. And if you’re not sure where to find the proper support, we can help. Please fill out the form on this page, and we’ll call you back within 24 hours.
Connect with people you know and trust IRL.
When the online world is haunting you, the best way to shake off the cobwebs is by connecting with real-world friends and loved ones who care about you and accept you just as you are. Even if you’re mourning a longer-lasting relationship that ended with no explanation, spending time with close friends and family can help you heal.
Be kind to yourself.
Self-compassion is proven to help us recover from romantic breakups, especially when we tend to blame ourselves. If you’re having trouble getting out of your negative thought loops, try talking to yourself the way you would to a good friend. How would you reassure them that this wasn’t their fault, that they are worthy, and that the right person is out there for them? That’s what you need to tell yourself.
Support for Mental Health and Relationship Skills
If you’re struggling to get over a ghosting, or being ghosted has resurfaced old wounds, reach out for support today. In individual or group therapy, you can process past experiences and grow your self-awareness and communication skills.
At PrairieCare, we support young people and adults to heal from trauma, attachment issues, and other mental health conditions. Our team of experts guides young people and adults in building resilience and recognizing themselves as strong, independent individuals who deserve love.
With a full continuum of care across Minnesota, we can support your mental health at every stage of your journey. To learn about the service or program that can work best for your life, call us at 952-826-8475.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the mental health effects of being ghosted?
- Being ghosted can trigger feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, abandonment, and loneliness. It can also bring up old attachment issues related to childhood trauma or to past romantic relationships.
Did technology create ghosting?
- People have been ghosting long before the invention of the internet and the smartphone. But social media and texting have made it easier to connect, and thus easier to disappear as well.
Is ghosting a form of emotional abuse?
- Intentionally cutting someone off could be considered a form of abuse, depending on the circumstances. Being ghosted can bring up many of the same feelings as emotional abuse, such as self-doubt, shame, and anger.
How do you get over being ghosted?
- To recover from a ghosting, connect with loved ones who know and accept you, remind yourself that you’ve dodged a bullet, and use it as an opportunity to reflect and reassess. Moreover, remember that ghosting says far more about the other person than it does about you.
Sources
- Pers Relationships. 2024 Apr; 31 (2): 445–469.
- Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020 Feb; 17 (3): 1116.