It’s common knowledge that talking to teens isn’t easy. They tend to push back, shut down, or give a one-word answer to every question. But parents often expect that when their kids cross over into young adulthood, all that will change. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
Communicating with your young adult can take some work. Adults have their own interests, beliefs, relationships, and lives. Their parents are no longer the center of their world. Now that the dynamics of the relationship have changed, a different approach to communicating is required.
Why It’s Hard to Communicate on a Deeper Level with Adult Children
The older children become, the more independent they become. While the transformation from child to adult is normal and expected, it can still be painful for some parents. Their warm and cuddly kids have been replaced by larger and vastly different people. Reading them sweet and funny stories before bed is no longer an option.
Parents may long to have meaningful conversations with their adult children but feel their kids aren’t particularly interested. It’s important to understand that various underlying reasons could be at play.
Why It’s So Important to Foster Communication with Your Adult Children
Having deeper conversations with older kids can be hard, but the support parents can offer their young adult children shouldn’t be underestimated. Even though they are building independence and autonomy, knowing they can turn to their parents for help can give them a feeling of safety. Having a sturdy foundation of parental support allows them to try new things and navigate the ups and downs of adult life with greater ease.
In fact, a study of more than 15,000 adolescents found that those who reported high levels of satisfaction with their communication and overall relationship with their parents had better health, greater optimism, and higher quality romantic relationships in adulthood. They also reported fewer depressive symptoms and less substance abuse.
Given that over one-third of young adults between 18 and 25 suffer from some kind of mental illness, parental encouragement and validation are vital to help many young adults maintain their mental health and well-being. When they feel understood and loved, young adults experience less stress. They also feel a sense of self-worth and belonging, which reduces their mental health symptoms.
How to Connect with Your Grown Children
If you haven’t spoken openly with your grown children recently, it may take some work. Sensitivity, empathy, patience, and practice are required. Many parents may find they need to improve their communication skills if they want to have hard conversations. More than one overture may be required. But there are ways to make it easier.
Ideally, having an open conversation about a personal matter shouldn’t be a special occasion. If you live in close enough proximity, do things together that you both enjoy, like visiting a museum or going for a hike. Face-to-face communication is ideal because you can see body language and hear the tone of voice. If meeting in person isn’t possible, there’s always video. Either way, make talking to your grown children part of your weekly routine if possible. That way, broaching a sensitive topic won’t feel like it’s coming out of left field.
If you’re not able to spend time or arrange calls with your children on the regular, invite them for a meal or an activity (or a video call) that allows you to slow down and connect. Talk about lighter topics at first. If it goes well, you might broach a more delicate subject.
10 Conversation Starters for Talking with Young Adult Children
When it feels like the right time to initiate a more heart-to-heart conversation with your grown son or daughter, avoid asking questions with a “yes” or “no” answer. Instead, encourage dialogue with more open-ended prompts such as:
- How’s _____ going?
- What’s _____ like?
- How are you feeling about ____?
- Tell me about _____.
- So what you do you think about _____?
- What do you think the best way to handle _____ is? (Asking for their advice shows you respect their opinion.)
- How did you handle _____?
- What do you remember about _____? (Use this prompt if you want to talk about something related to a past experience.)
- I’ve noticed _____ lately. I’m feeling concerned—would you be open to talking about it? (For example, you’ve noticed they don’t return your calls, seem to be drinking a lot, or sound sad or stressed when you talk.)
- When I was your age, I _____. Is that something you experience?
Mental Health Treatment for Young Adults at PrairieCare
If you’ve noticed communication changes with your young adult child, or they have shared mental health challenges with you, PrairieCare or another mental health program could be beneficial to their daily life. We are equipped to help young adults and their families find a program that helps them with their mental health journey.
We have multiple programs that are specialized for young adults, including acute care at our new young adult inpatient hospital and a range of outpatient programs and clinic services.
Many of our programs offer the opportunity to participate in family therapy to focus on communication, family system dynamics, and safety planning. Family involvement as part of a young adult’s treatment plan can be a supportive and healing opportunity.
Contact us today at 952-826-8475 to learn more.